Keys To Solving Difficult Relationships
When I help people with difficult relationships, I always require that they honestly evaluate their contribution to the conflict and assess their opportunity for personal growth.
You Have A Choice
It is important to accept that you have a choice, and you can choose to end your relationship with a conflicting person. However, oftentimes, that isn’t the best solution. Swiftly ending a relationship and moving on, without mindful analysis, makes you vulnerable to experiencing a similar difficult relationship again and again. If you have a history of conflicts with family members, lovers, bosses, coworkers, neighbors, or other types of people, then you have a clear pattern regarding conflict.
Change Your Perspective
In the heat of the moment, it is not easy to flip a switch and evaluate yourself. Nor is it easy to do a self-analysis right after a conflict. Just know that if you do not face a “conflict” pattern in your life from a self-improvement perspective, you are setting yourself up for the pattern and challenge to continue.
Perform A Self-Analysis
With a self-improvement perspective, you may start your analysis by making a sincere effort to detach from the other person and evaluate yourself objectively. If a conflict is not life-threatening or of great detriment to your health, then ask yourself, “What am I to learn from this conflict that is an opportunity for my growth?” Sift out all of the thoughts about the other person and just consider yourself. This act is not selfish; it is actually self-love.
The goals of this self-analysis are to gain awareness for personal growth and create healthy solutions for your betterment. The awareness gained may be to improve your communication, listen to others more, accept others as they are and try not to change them, detach from others’ negativity, adjust your expectations of others, learn how to separate and let go, and on and on.
Without a mindful self-analysis, you block yourself from valuable growth that is akin to living happier. Simply put, avoiding an honest self-analysis is self-sabotage.
So when you consider the conflicting relationships in your past and present, ask yourself if there are patterns with certain types of people or in certain situations? When you identify the patterns, you are now aware and should hold yourself accountable to ending the patterns.
Eradicate Negative Patterns
In order to successfully eradicate a negative pattern, your increased awareness must be accompanied by desire, strategic actions for positive change, and persistence. Strategic actions (aka solutions) may be to start communicating about your feelings without the emotional drama; or when upset, committing to inform the person about how their behavior negatively impacts you (how you “feel”); or commit to informing the person that their conduct is unhealthy for you and until they are more respectful you will walk away.
Be sure to maintain patience as you endure the growth process of changing a negative pattern. A simple way to do that is by embracing the word, yet. Meaning, when the growth lesson feels like it’s too long and difficult, remind yourself that you just haven’t finished the growth process, YET. The word, yet, increases patience by reinforcing the belief that there is an end to your growth process.
Further benefits of having patience are that you reduce frustration and gain more control of yourself. The increased self-control helps you live more balanced — and balance begets happiness, among many other wonderful things. Isn’t it time you stop carrying other people’s problems and take control of your life?
Wishing you happiness.